Monday, September 16, 2013

Following Through (Part 1)

Over the weekend and even earlier today, I was really hard on myself for not following through on things I needed to accomplish. For the life of me I could not I understand that if the things I desire take work, why is it so hard to do!  I was starting to believe that I guess I really didn't desire the things that I thought I did.  However after saying a prayer and asking for understanding, I begin reading (and watching YouTube videos) about accomplishing goals and following through. This is when I came across this nice little quote:

“Motivation is in the mind; follow-through is in the practice.”

The article where I found the quote suggests that in order to “follow through” on the things that I desire, I need to stop thinking and just do.  Now I don’t know about all that but I will try my damn best to give it a shot. Therefore in order to just do and not think, one has to be very specific in the things they want to accomplish.

MOTIVATION: Get up at 5:00/5:30am       
FOLLOW THROUGH: No internet past 9pm and sleep no later than 10:30pm.

MOTIVATION: Post once a week on both blogs.
FOLLOW THROUGH: Write everyday for 30 minutes.

FOLLOW THROUGH: Train with my C25K app 3 times a week.

MOTIVATION: Read 4 books per month.
FOLLOW THROUGH: Read at least 30 minutes a night.

Now I cannot speak on tomorrow, but today I did excellent job following through on EVERYTHING that I sat out to accomplish (work, school, working out and writing).  Lets see what tomorrow bring!

See ya next week!

Monday, September 9, 2013

It's My Birthday!!!

Today is my 31st birthday! 

What a difference a year can make!! What’s the difference you may ask???? Well…..

I have clarity.

Throughout my 20s I was not living, but instead I was trying to create a life that would please (and impress) other people.  As I have stated many times on this blog, I have an “A type” personality who has to live by a to do list.  However my “to do” list consisted of unrealistic expectations of a person I truly wasn’t.

This past year I have focused on me, who I was and what I wanted out of life.  I eliminated my goals and instead I am now focusing on my passions.  I am learning to no longer beat myself up over the failure of one career path and instead enjoy the journey of the new one that I am now pursuing.  Most importantly I am now re-examining the relationships with family and friends and slowly trying to introduce them to real Neka as I get to know her as well. 

I am at a point in my life where I have the knowledge to know that EVERYTHING in my life has been working together to lead me exactly where I am at today and exactly where I need to be today.  Since coming to that realization, I am now focusing on my “purpose” in life.

Once I turned 30 I refused to take any of that stuff with me in my 30s and so far I have been doing a good job getting rid of it.

On this new found journey I am on, I have found that I have no idea what to expect and truthfully I am scared shitless…. LOL…

Nevertheless I am learning that things don’t happen overnight and instead of focusing on the end result, enjoy the ride getting there.  Therefore that is what I am doing (or shall I say learning to do), enjoying the ride!!!!

Have a great week everyone!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Day 8 of 31: Be Happy!

Now and then its good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
-Guillaume Apdlmaire

That's exactly what I am going to do tonight, just chill, watch TV, and be happy!  Hope you all have and/or had a great day!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Day 7 of 31: Morning Routine

A couple of weeks ago I was reading a personal finance book and I came across a section that really spoke volumes to me. I can’t remember what it said verbatim, but it discussed how we start our day and the effect that it can have on us. It gave an excellent example of how getting up earlier, would eliminate buying coffee at a coffee shop and thus save you $100 a month/$1000 yearly. 

With a full time job, full time grad program, internship that is like a part time job and 2 blogs; I need to find time to do it all and create some sort of social life (hell I want a man… LOL).

I have come to the conclusion that if I can get my day started in the right direction, not only will it help financially, but also mentally, spiritually and physically. Now that I know there is a problem, it’s time to come up with a formula to garner a solution.  After reading several blog posts and articles about the effects of developing a morning routine, I thought....hmmmm this is exactly what I need for my problem.  

Current morning routine:
I go to bed at midnight or later.  I am SUPPOSE TO wake up at 5/5:30, but I hit the snooze button (or turn it off) until my 6am alarm goes off.  I jump up, get dress, grab items needed and run out the door to head to work (no breakfast).  Luckily I am only 10 mins from my place of employment, but trying to get to at 6:30 ALWAYS feel like l am in a high speed car chase.  Thus throughout the day I am hungry, cranky and plain ole exhausted.

For the rest of the month I plan to do the following in order to develop a better morning  routine:
  1. No internet after 10pm!
  2. Prepare the night before and go to bed at a decent time (aim to get 7-8 hrs of sleep).
  3. For the rest of the month I aim to wake up 30 minutes earlier.
  5. Take 3-5 minutes to meditate, pray and/or to read an entry of a daily devotional/bible.
  6. Do 15 minutes of Yoga or Stretch from the Daily Burn.
  7. Eat Breakfast.
  8. Shower and get dress.
  9. Plan out my day.
  10. Leave 10 minutes earlier than I usually would. 
Being that I am not a morning person, this will be a difficult habit to develop, but I am positive that I can accomplish it by the end of the month!  I will be back in September with an update. 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Day 6 of 31: Procrastination, Tired and Lazy

I briefly stated in another post that I suffer from procrastination.  However sometimes I cannot tell the difference between procrastination, tired and laziness.   Procrastination is the act of putting off something while laziness is being slow moving and indolent and we all know what tired mean so no need for a definition.  Let’s take today as an example:

After working 11 hours today on 5 hours of sleep, I hopped in bed, checked Instagram, Vine and watched Youtube videos on Yard Locs and Marley braids. I knew I needed to get up and start working on posts not only for today, but also for tomorrow so that I can get a step ahead and have good momentum. But noooooo I just laid around. Why is that?

Am I procrastinating, being lazy or am I just plain ole tired?

Monday, August 5, 2013

Day 5 of 31: Epiphany

Today (okay tonight) will be short and sweet.

As you all know, I am in the process of "discovering" who exactly I am and what I want to do.

Well today I had an epiphany!!!  I know what I want to ultimately do with my life...

Stay tuned........

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Day 4 of 31: How I spent my Sunday

internet, good book and DVR full of shows

The picture above shows how I spent my Sunday.  In bed doing nothing.  That’s right ALL THE PLANS I had for today went nowhere and you know what…. I don’t feel bad about it. Usually around this time Sunday night (9:30pm), I get angry at myself for not doing anything I had set out for the day to do. Now I am coming to a stage where I ask myself:

  • Was it a life or death matter?
  • Was it an assignment that needed to be done?
  •  Did I promise anyone something for today?
Usually the answer is “no”. With that being said, why do I feel so bad about not doing anything? Yes I do know that I have a problem with procrastination, but should I truly feel bad about taking a day where I just rest?  And why is it only Sundays when I feel like this?  I learned this summer that I can truly be stretched to the max and survive it.  However if I choose to take a day out of the week where I just “rest”, I end up beating myself up about it. It is something I am still wrapping my head around.

Back in the day (pre 2009) I use to use Sundays as “prep day”, meaning that I would wash clothes, clean the house, iron my clothes for the week, and prepare lunches for the week for work. Currently none of that exist and I now know that it is (or was) due to my depression.  Which I guess also explains why I feel so bad (guilty) about my lazy Sundays. Now that I am finally seeing the light at the end of this depression tunnel, I guess I expect myself to hop right back into my old routine. 

However just like with my “negative thoughts”, my habit of lying in bed (in a depressive state) all day will not change overnight.  I am now at the point where I am no longer depress, the next step is….. being happy AS WELL AS being still.  Hell as of late I have been working 50 hour weeks in addition to summer school and 24 hr internship on the weekends. I should be welcoming these lazy Sundays when I get them.  LOL…

Behavior doesn’t change overnight. Just by going into the closet and picking out items that I haven’t worn in months (okay years) shows that either the old Neka is coming back or the new and improved one underway.  I am no longer going to stress over resting my body before I dive into the new week.  Instead I am going to enjoy the peaceful day and “be still”. 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Day 3 of 31 of Writing Challenge

This challenge like EVERYTHING else I try to do make me realize that ONCE AGAIN I am awesome at planning and horrible at “following through”.  It is day 3 and I have yet taken the time to curve out time and actually focus on anything I had planned to do today. What have I done you may ask, well……. I am currently watching “Orange is the New Black”.  That’s right, television!  My addiction for television is a post within itself for another time.  Nevertheless below is a picture of my potential post list for both blogs…. That’s right I have made a “plan” on how I want this month to go…. Let’s see if I actually follow through!  LOL!

Friday, August 2, 2013

Day 2 of 31 Day Writing Challenge

Here it is day 2 and I am barely getting this post in before 10pm! SMH... I am soooo going to do well at this challenge huh??!! LOL.. 

Seriously though, I just found out about it yesterday and haven't truly gotten a grasp of how I want the next 29 days to go.

I basically moved everything off the desk and drawers and threw it on my couch and floor!

Take a look of the picture above.  This is currently my living room and office area at the end of the spring/summer semester.  I don't know about everyone else, but I cannot possibly do anything or try and start anything before I get organized with this chaos.  

Being that tomorrow is my first weekend of freedom (school is over and no intern), I plan to get TRULY organized and get some damn structure in my life!

Therefore, I need to get that mess in the picture together and come up with a list of topics to write about for BOTH blogs.  

Thursday, August 1, 2013

31 Day Blog Challenge DAY ONE

Here I go again.... LOL

I know I know... I didn't get pass the first five days in the 30 day blog challenge in June, why do I expect to get through this one.  I don't know, but hey... let's try and find out shall we??? LOL!  

The wonderful Luvvie at "Awesomely Luvvie" is hosting a 31 day blog challenge.  Since summer school ended for me on Monday, I felt this would be an awesome chance to get back into the swing of things (things means reading and writing). What is even crazier is that I will also be participating in the challenge on my book blog as well!!! 

The rules are simple:
  1. Put up a new post on your blog at least once a day for the next 31 days.
  2. The posts can be written in advance.
  3. Use the hashtag #31writenow when you tweet the link to your posts. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Day 4 of the 30 day blog challenge: Dream Job

I sat and thought about this for awhile and I couldn't pinpoint one particular career path. 

Being that there are SEVERAL things I want to do, I know one thing I do not, and that is work NINE TO FIVE.  I am currently living that life and it is not for me.  I don’t know if I could take another 10 years of living for the weekend.  What kind of life is that?  One that I do not want!  Below is a picture that I look at that keeps me focus on the ultimate goals:

Business Entrepreneur.  
Ever since I was little I knew that I would eventually own some sort of business.  My maternal grandmother owned her own nightclub.  She drilled in me two things: 1) Have my own money and 2) Purchase property.  That has stuck in me.  Now I have no plans to own a club, but in the next 3-5 years I do plan to have some sort of business venture as well as invest in real estate with the plan of using the property as rental income. Do I know what type of business I want to have?  Umm… Sort of, still toying with several ideas. 

Clinical Social Worker/Therapist.  
I feel that I resisted going down this path since the end of my freshman year of college.  Nevertheless I felt that I needed to go through and experience all that I did in order to be a sufficient counselor.  While determining what my purpose in life is and the positive experiences I am having (in counseling), in some way I feel the need to pay it forward.  While pursuing my previous career path, I now know that there was no “passion” for it.  Merely that it “looked” good and I like feeling that I wouldn't be average.  Smh….. I look back on that time and view it as my body having a negative reaction to the path that I was going on.  The side effects of it were depression and weight gain.  Now that I have an idea of what I want and to know that I have a passion for it, everything is clearer now.

My reason for being a professor is somewhat similar to wanting to be a counselor/therapist.  One is that I can do both at the same time and they have flexible hours.  Next I love the idea of being paid to think, write and discuss an area that I have a passion in.  Being that I love anything reading, writing, researching and can tie all that in to social issues is wonderful.  However most importantly, just like with being a therapist, I like the idea of nurturing clients/students and watching them take hold of their confidence and grow with it. I see myself as MelissaHarris Perry without the TV show (have no desire to be on television).

When I was little I use to create my own books and magazines.  I would sit there and “create” articles that interest me and make my mom and grandmother read them.  As I got older I put the dream aside because like everything else, there were no writers around me so I believed that it was something that “other” people do; not some girl from “some town” Louisiana.  Being that I never told anyone of my love of writing and never pursued or worked on it, I told myself that I should give up on it because, “you are no good at it anyway” (see how the mind works and play tricks on you??). Now that I am actively working on it, I would love to one day be an author of fiction as well as nonfiction.  

What about you? Do you have a dream job?

TOMORROW: How important you think education is....

Monday, June 3, 2013

30 day blog challenge DAY 3: The meaning behind your blog name

It's quite simple actually, "Neka" is a apart of my government name and world encompasses everything that happens in my life.  My world consist of family and friends; career and school; spiritual growth; health and fitness; my passions and completing the items on my bucket list.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

30 day blog challenge: DAY TWO

Day 2: Introduction

Since reintroducing myself, I still have been trying to determine how I wanted to proceed with the blog.  Pondering the question, “How much should I share?”

While catching up with blogs, I came across “Black Girl Unlost”. I was reading one her posts, which talked about writing, doing a 30 day blog challenge and therapy.  While reading, I kept thinking, “Did I write that?!”

For the past several months I have been seeing a counselor….

For as long as I can remember, I have been depressed about one thing or another. While I am a great actor (still is) and able to cover it up, as I get older (particular for the past year/year and a half) the depression got worse and became harder to disguise.  For the past couple of years, I pondered on the idea of going to talk to someone because I knew what I was feeling was not normal and it needed to be dealt with before it became uncontrollable.  Therefore after a particular episode that kept me in bed for a couple days unable to even go to work, I decided that I was going down the road of….no longer being able to control it.

Once deciding on seeing someone, I needed to figure out whom that “someone” should be.  I knew right away that they should be female. Next were trying to determine should race play a factor in it. While I know any professional would be able to assist me, I wanted to be able to feel that not only do they empathize with what I am going through, but that they should also truly understand what it is that I am feeling and how hard it is for me to put myself out there to a stranger.  Being a black woman in today’s society, it’s hard to come out to family and friends that something about you are not right.  We fear that people will think we are crazy, we will appear weak or just downright ashamed.

From the first meeting, I knew I made the right decision.  This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Putting myself out there to a stranger and being vulnerable are two things that I DO NOT DO.  She has put mirror to my face and has shown me that I am the person holding me back and I cannot change until I truly want to.  Just like Black Girl Unlost, I was extremely mean and judgmental to myself and most importantly, I lack self worth.  Realizing this made me understand why I continue to be unhappy in the things I try to do in life which results in failure.

Now that she has found the “tumor” we are in the radiation/chemo stage.  I remember one session where I went to her, cried and said, “I can’t do this, it’s hard, I can’t live like this anymore, just tell me what to do to be better.”  All I got was, “You have to want to change.”. I WAS PISSED. Not the answer I was looking for. LOL….  I wanted a bullet list of actions I need to do in order to feel normal. Nevertheless she was right (duh…she the professional.. LOL). Even though I “wanted” to be better, my actions were showing otherwise.  I unrealistically thought that going to a couple of sessions, I would magically be cured. That is not the case, for the past 30 years, I have been telling myself that I am a “failure/ugly/unworthy”. Therefore I shouldn’t expect to be able to say “you’re awesome” and actually believe it after the first time.  Hell I been faking the funk for so many years that if that was true, then I would have been “cured” a long time ago.

With ALL OF THAT being said, I am still in the beginning stages of my recovery (I guess that is what I will call it).  I am at the process of where I am aware of when negativity creeps into my head and what necessary steps I need to take in order to turn those negative thoughts into positive affirmations.  At the same time I am working on exactly who am I.  These 30 years I have been a representation of what I wanted others to see me as and what I thought I should be.  When asked “Who are you?” I cannot possibly give an answer because I truly do not know. Therefore I am on a quest to figure it out.  

One of my passions is writing, but like everything else in my life, I let my lack of self worth and negative thoughts prevent me from pursuing it.  For the past couple of weeks, I have been doing things that were outside of my comfort zone.  With doing those things, I found the courage to take a bigger step and try to write again.  To be vulnerable and real in my writing and not show a representation of what I want people to see.  I will use my blog to be a platform in developing myself into the person I want to be as well as honing my skills as a writer. 

Just like the blogger who inspired this post, I will participate in a 30 day blog challenge.  Actually since this is the 2nd, it will be a 29 days.  LOL… I had a hard time pressing the post button yesterday.  Using some of her topics as well as several I found on Google, I think this will make for an interesting month as well as make a nice start on developing my writing skills.

TOMORROW: The meaning behind my blog name.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I am Bloglovin

<a href="">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Since Google Reader is leaving us in July (upset is an understatement), I have been trying to find alternatives. As of right now, the only thing I even "kind of" like is Bloglovin.

Currently I am going through all the blogs i follow on Google Reader and manually adding them to Bloglovin.  The purpose behind this is to eliminate blogs I am no longer interested in and blogs that no longer have recent content.

In order for one to find a particular blog/site, Bloglovin requires that I "claim my blog" with a post so here it is.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Its been a long time

Life happens to the best of us.  A new job, graduate school, internship, moving closer to my hometown/new job and trying to get into shape really did me in without even realizing it.  When life gets in the way sometimes you have take a step back to regain footing.  Between commuting back and forth to work Monday through Friday (hence the move), commuting to class several nights a week and going to my internship on the weekends, I really didn't (and still don't) have much time for a life.

Another reason I have been MIA was due to trying to figure out how much I actually wanted to share on here. I want to be transparent but not too transparent if that's understandable.  For me, reading personal blogs are not only entertaining, but also inspiring. I love reading financial and weight loss blogs, but for me, I don't want everyone in my business. Another reason (okay, the real reason) is that I don't want to be judged. Being that I am from a small area and all my social networks  are intertwined, it would be really easy for people to find out about this blog.

However I have been challenged to put myself out there and be vulnerable.  I have a love and passion for writing and why not do what I love and stop caring what others think?  I have heard that by caring what others think about you gives them power over you. I have come to the conclusion that I will take that power back. Now I will not be cured over night, but hopefully by writing about my thoughts, feelings and life experiences, I will be better equip with being comfortable within myself and no longer care what others think of me.

I refused to live the rest of my life like I did the first 29 years.  I vow to live a life doing what makes me happy as long as I am not hurting those around me.  If it ostracizes me from family and friends, so be it.  Those who will get me, GREAT!  Those who will not get me, who will call me "weird" or "different", GREAT!  I will just keep it moving with a smile on my face. 


It has been a year since I debuted the blog.  At the start of the blog, I was preparing myself to turn 30. To say that I wasn't too crunk about this upcoming age, would be an understatement.  I was broke, dead end job (others did not feel this way, but I did and that's all that mattered), did not know where I was headed career wise, spiritually exhausted and totally out of shape. 

During my "hiatus", my 30th birthday has come and went, and it's now time to face the music concerning the things that I wanted to accomplish.  I stated in my first post that if I could at least "get these things together" (not complete), that I would feel better about going into my 30s.  Though I may not feel 100% confident about entering my 30s in the state I am in, I do feel a hell of a lot better than I did when I wrote that first post. PROGRESS!!!

Until next time......